bilateral kellerberrin

Men on the roof this morning. 8am. I checked the time as it seemed odd. At first I thought it must be Felena, but I’m sure she would have told us in advance. Somehow, in my semi-conscious state (perhaps 6 on the “Glasgow Coma Scale”?) I associated their rooftop stomping as having something to do with the leaks we’ve sprung since yesterday’s deluge. The gallery also had a big leak. The cinema has a major water damage issue on the way. And my craft barn bedroom flooded when water came right in from the laneway and under the door.

Two men walking down the laneway. They are talking about having their picture taken. One of them exclaims “But I don’t want anyone to know my photo.”

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Yesterday we had a very pleasant visit from North Baandee Greg. Greg’s the artist Cristina and I visited recently. He lives in an old school and carves tigers and gorillas out of polystyrene. He’d rung me to let me know he was coming to town, and so I got in some biscuits to go with the tea.

Out of his home environment, Greg was more expansive. My theory is that he’s able to hold forth on many global issues when he’s not faced with the very local problems of his own property (such as the damn parrots eating his trees).

Greg has a certain relish in predicting end-of-the-world scenarios. He said there is a super-volcano somewhere in the middle of the USA (in “Jellystone Park”) which could erupt any day. The bible says “the rivers and the seas will run red”, and he doesn’t think that means blood: it’s lava. All the recent seismic activity in the world is just a prelude to “the big one”. And Greg hopes he’s around to see it when it happens.

Another theory is that the Port Arthur massacre of 1996 was a massive conspiracy which enabled the government to take all the guns off the people. In this way we are unable to defend ourselves when Indonesia invades. It’s all part of Howard’s plan to turn us into a third world country. I’m leaving some very important steps out of his argument, but that’s probably because it’s more complex than I was able to grasp.

Greg has a gentle way of breaking this destabilising news. He doesn’t shove it down your throat. He simply lets an idea swim out of his brain, and paddle around in the swamp of conversation for a bit, before being superseded by another, equivalent topic, such as his upcoming trip around Australia. Every so often he gets itchy feet, and feels the need to hit the road for a few months. So he was asking if I knew anyone who could caretake his old school building for him while he was away. I promised I would ask around my artist-friends from Perth. (If you think you are interested, drop me a line and I’ll hook you up with Greg).

Finally, a few fun facts about Greg:

• He has been drinking Pepsi for fifteen years. He’s been known to get through 9 cartons of it in a week, but that was when he was working up in Darwin, and it was very hot. Anne asked about all the sugar, and he said that he always gets it checked when he visits the doc, and he’s been fine so far.
• Beyond Pepsi, Greg has a serious sweet tooth. Icecream, lollies etc. Snakes seem to be a fave. Recently he bought a packet of snakes, and they were nearly all red. This was unusual. It used to be that red was the rare colour. He doesn’t get into the Natural Confectionary Company. Allans is his preferred brand.
• Greg has worked in China. In 1995 he co-ordinated the installation of cool-rooms for a big construction job in Shanghai. He found it frustrating.The local workers he was given to assist him had a hard time catching on with his level of quality for building techniques. Concrete would be laid, the workers would cut corners, and the job would have to be ripped up and started all over.

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Anne and I trundled over to Betties to pick her brains on knitting. Anne had this idea, ages ago, to knit a scarf for The Pipe. A pointless, generous, gesture. Betty suggested that it might take a while. Allan, her husband, estimated that the pipe’s girth is about three metres. So that’s a fair bit of knitting. But Betty didn’t make fun of the idea. She gave us Pat’s phone number. Pat might know who is spinning local wool at the moment. If we knit the big scarf out of unrefined, just-spun wool, and use big “rocket” needles, it should go pretty quickly.

I asked Betty why her shop has a huge sign out the front which says “Betties”. Are there two Betties? No, she said. It’s just that when the signwriters arrived, she happened to be in Perth that day. Her next door neighbour (from “Legends” tea rooms) approved that spelling, and it’s been Betties ever since…